You've already been drilled and
grilled in English usage and mechanics when you took your composition classes.
But invariably, students in the past have shown severe deficiencies in grammar
and mechanics. One of the most frequent errors in these letters is the
excessive use of the pronoun 'we.' If an activity is reasonably the activity of
an individual, use '
Avoid all "businessese." "Businessese" is a special kind of language that has become associated with business writing. In fact, some members of the business community consider such a style to be the ultimate of "slick and correct" writing. They couldn't be more wrong.
Avoid passive constructions. At first, don't worry about passives at all. Style checkers like will pick them out for you. If you've revised all passives that the style checker points out to you, you have only very few remaining in your writing. A few passives don't cause any problems. In fact, passives are never grammatically wrong, and it is sometimes even necessary to use them. But stylistically, passives often leave the impression that the writer is not really "on top of what is happening." Specifically, psycho-linguistic research seems to show that young people, who are somewhat bewildered by the complexity of the society into which they are growing, prefer passive constructions. After all, the passive does not commit them to identifying the agent of an action. (Of course, before revising passives, you need to know what they are; so use your handbook liberally when your style checker starts flagging passives. Now, let me give you an example of how to turn passives into actives. Suppose I want to say that a particular product is on its way to a particular client or customer. I could say: Your pocket-fisherman rod-and-reel set is being shipped immediately. "Is being shipped" is a passive. I don't really know who is doing the shipping. But in business correspondence, preserving the personal touch is always good. So, let's suppose I revise the sentence to read: Poopeel will send you your pocket fishing-rod-and-reel set immediately, Mr. Bagbottom. Now people are doing something for people. The sentence conveys much more of a personal touch than the first, passive version. So you see, passives are not really wrong; they're merely not as "attractive" as active constructions.
Use the grammar-and-style checker to your advantage. The style checker does have some on-line help available; so, when it flags structures that you do not know, try pressing F1 for on-line help with grammar and style. If you have a tendency to combine many nouns into one concept such as "flight department meeting schedule list provider," be sure to use the grammar-and-style checker; it is quite reliable about picking out such clustered expressions (stacked or jammed modifiers). Clustered nouns drive your reading level up and are stylistically clumsy. When you use a style checker, be sure to set its rule sensitivity to "All Rules" or to "General Style." Not doing so will cause the checker to ignore many instances of generally undesirable jargon.
Write positive messages. Remember: A glass that is half empty is also a glass that is half full. In your correspondence, you should stress how full it is, rather than how much is missing. Let's suppose, for example, that the truckers are on strike. Thus, I've simply not shipped the thirty lawn chairs to Ms. Miller. Instead, I've sent only fifteen by way of another independent trucking-business only minutes before it also fell prey to the strike.
I am sorry, Ms. Miller, that I
won't be able to send you all thirty chairs. ChairMaker is tied up by a strike
of its trucking company and won't be able to get out any other shipments until
the end of the strike in perhaps two to three weeks. I have sent you fifteen of
the chairs by other means, so I hope that you'll forgive the delay of the rest
of the shipment.
That's really dwelling on what went wrong and what I could NOT do, doesn't it? I could have done much better. Look at the next message:
I want to tell you that fifteen chairs are already on their way to you despite the recent strike at ChairMaker's trucking company. I am sure that you will have the rest of the order in four short weeks, when I expect the strike to be over. Thank you, Ms. Miller, for . . . And then, of course, I'll go back to erase "I want to tell you that . . ." so that I end up diving into the message first.
Well, which message will Ms. Miller like better? The first one sounds as though I had to admit defeat while the second one turns that defeat into a victory of sorts. Your company makes a better impression if it is in control and consistently victorious. By the way, how did I know that the chairs would be with Ms. Miller in four short weeks? Simple! I called the Shipping Department. Someone there insisted on some time between two to four weeks. I took the longest possible time and praised it to Ms. Miller as being very short. If the chairs arrive already after two weeks, Ms. Miller will praise the company; if they arrive as late as four weeks, she will not be angry. But if I had announced an arrival date of two to four weeks, Ms. Miller would probably have been impatient already in the third week.
THE HEADING—use the header area for some of this.
This contains your address or letterhead, the date, and a mandatory space.
THE ADDRESS
This block contains the address of your correspondent. Use no abbreviations other than the postal codes for states; then leave one or two lines as spaces.
THE SALUTATION
This is the greeting. While the greeting consists of title and last name only, the address block should contain title, first name, and last name. If you don't know the name, you might want to make a quick phone call to get the full name. If there is no way to find out the name, don't be sexist: Dear Sir, Sirs, or Gentlemen won't do; you'd have lost something from your letter's effectiveness if the recipient--a personnel director, for example--is a woman. Dear Sir or Madam, Ladies or Gentlemen, or an evasive "Subject:" line is preferable to a sexist salutation. Consult your textbook for additional examples of many salutations. Leave one or two spaces. Check the proper distribution of your letter on the page by folding up the bottom third of the page. If your letter is laid out well, the greeting line should appear just above the end of the page.
THE BODY
The body of the letter consists of a three-row grid; in other words, your letter should contain three paragraphs. In full-block format, you should single-space in paragraphs, you should not indent paragraphs, and you should double-space between paragraphs.
SHORT opening paragraph to set tone and to state purpose (In a good-news letter, the good-news message belongs into this paragraph.)
One or more paragraphs of reasoning, evidence, or persuasive content
SHORT closing paragraph to maintain good will (In a GENUINE bad-news letter, the bad-news message belongs into this paragraph.)
5. THE COMPLIMENTARY CLOSE
Avoiding archaic expressions or archaic phrases. For example, don't be anyone's humble servant; you don't live in Victorian England.
Leave three or four spaces for your signature.
THE SIGNATURE This should be your name as you normally sign it.
YOUR NAME: Your name appears typed under your signature and nowhere else in the letter.
All lines should begin on the extreme left of the page for full-block style. If you were to use a typewriter, you should plan the layout of the page carefully. However, if you are word-processing your letter, plunge ahead undaunted; before you print out, you can use commands to change the layout of your letter. Margin sizes are usually part of the original installation of the software, so you don't have to worry about left and right margins. Two other styles are in use, the modified-block style and the semi-block style. The modified-block style begins all parts of the letter at the left margin except the heading, the complimentary close, and the signature. These three parts move to the center column so that they line up with each other, not with the rest of the letter. The semi-block letter moves the same three parts to the center column; and, it begins with a paragraph indentation for each body paragraph.
If you are writing business letters
abroad, you should consider a crash course in comparative business culture.
British business English, for example, requires a more formal style than
American business English. Americans will assume that a business relationship is
a friendship; the British will assume that business relationships are strictly
separate from friendships and thus should be of a detached formality, which most
Americans will sense as cold and distant. German business writing follows the
same formal guidelines as British business writing. Europeans, then, require all
kinds of additional identifiers on each business letter. Usually European
business letters have a file ID, for example: Your Sign: ________ Our Sign:
________; they will usually have a reference line, an attention line, and a
subject line. It is best to follow the conventions as used in the
correspondent's business culture. For example, I had occasion to write to
Siemens corporation in
Using the rules for sound business writing, please solve one of the following problems. I will judge your solutions not only by good and correct writing but also by content. Sound content comes from sound decision-making, from an orientation toward people rather than things, from you-emphasis, from the half-full rather than the half-empty perspective, and from a desire to establish personal contacts. You should assume that the following letters occur in a USAmerican business culture. You also should assume that bad-news messages should become good-news messages whenever possible. Remember that I will judge the soundness of your solution as carefully as the soundness of your grammar. With this assignment, content counts!
Setting: Man! You're still overweight from the holiday turkey. And your
head's still buzzing with all the booze during the New Year's party. And now
it's the third of January: You're back on the job. As a writer at Fly-by-Night
Manufacturing, you'll have to write the after-holidays letters that must get out
upbeat apologies for all the delayed orders. You can see the first one coming
al- ready: As you walk up the stairs to your office, you meet Jeremy, the head
of shipping. "Hi, Jimmy," he says. "Hey. You gonna have to get a letter out to
Jones Aviation at
Setting: "Are those the tires for Bagbottom at Hicksville Regional Air- port?" "They sure are," you say. "But he's ordered a hundred of these babies. How's come you got only 50 of them here?" "We're out of 'em. There's not a single one of 'em in the warehouse." "Call the manufacturing plant in Wapakoneta. They should be able to send the other fifty to Crudney Bagbottom at Hicksville Regional. This guy is one of our best customers; we can't afford to piss him off." "Ok," you say. "I'll get right on it. And when he gets my letter, he'll be convinced that we're bending over backward to make him happy." "All right! That's the spirit. Go do it." Hint: Watch your use of numbers. Telling "fifty tires" sounds bigger than "half of your tires." "Fifty tires" does not remind the reader that something is missing; "half of your tires" does so remind him or her.
Setting: Your phone rings. "Aviation Suppliers! Jim Bagbottom speaking."
"Hi. This is Lotta Bologna at
Setting: The motor of a small Cessna came closer. Joe Schweisman, owner of Dumpstown Aviation, was leaning on the fence that surrounds the Airport Café. That must be a student coming in from a training flight. The plane was Schweisman's brand-new Cessna; he'd just taken delivery a couple of weeks ago. The engine sounded much closer yet. Joe watched intently as the student set the plane down. Ouch! That was just too darn hard. The student had abruptly taken away engine power. And he must have hit some kind of an meteorological anomaly there. The plane had simply plummeted; he could hear the thump all the way across the field. "Darn," he thought, "I bet he's messed that one up good." As soon as the student had taxied to the hangar area, Joe was there to take a close look." Look at this brand-new Cessna. I just got it last week and already the wing-suspension structures are showing cracks," he said angrily. He seemed to have forgotten about the thump from across the field." Why don't you get after the company?! That kind of thing shouldn't happen," said Crudney Bagbottom, Joe's student, without so much as a blush. "Well, I reckon I will have to do that," said Joe. And soon Joe sat down to his trusty relic, a 80486 IBM Model 30 with a washed-out monitor, to compose his letter to the people at Cessna. And the letter said: . . . .Only a week later, Joe got an answer. The letter was signed by _________________ (your name, please), Vice President of Customer Relations. Joe read the letter carefully. He pondered for a moment. A slight blush seemed to rush across his face. Then he looked calm again. "I suppose they're right," he thought to himself. He had really preferred a new plane, but this person from Cessna made sense and was clearly willing to be helpful. Then Joe had one of the instructors take the plane to Bob's Maintenance Shoppe, where the Cessna was being expected already. What did the Vice-President write? And what had Schweisman written?
Setting: The motor of a small Cessna came closer. Joe Schweisman, owner of Dumpstown Aviation, was leaning on the fence that surrounds the Airport Café. That must be a student coming in from a training flight. The plane was Schweisman's brand-new Cessna; he'd just taken delivery a couple of weeks ago. The engine sounded much closer yet. Joe watched intently as the student set the plane down. Ouch! That was just too darn hard. The student had abruptly taken away engine power. And he must have hit some kind of an meteorological anomaly there. The plane had simply plummeted; he could hear the thump all the way across the field. "Darn," he thought, "I bet he's messed that one up good." As soon as the student had taxied to the hangar area, Joe was there to take a close look." Look at this brand-new Cessna. I just got it last week and already the wing-suspension structures are showing cracks," he said angrily. He seemed to have forgotten about the thump from across the field." Why don't you get after the company?! That kind of thing shouldn't happen," said Crudney Bagbottom, Joe's student, without so much as a blush. "Well, I reckon I will have to do that," said Joe. And soon Joe sat down to his trusty relic, a 80486 IBM Model 30 with a washed-out monitor, to compose his letter to the people at Cessna. And the letter said: . . . .Only a week later, Joe got an answer. The letter was signed by _________________ (your name, please), Vice President of Customer Relations. Joe read the letter carefully. He pondered for a moment. A slight blush seemed to rush across his face. Then he looked calm again. "I suppose they're right," he thought to himself. He had really preferred a new plane, but this person from Cessna made sense and was clearly willing to be helpful. Then Joe had one of the instructors take the plane to Bob's Maintenance Shoppe, where the Cessna was being expected already. What did the Vice-President write? And what had Schweisman written?
Setting: The Search Committee had assembled several times to find the best
candidate for the open position in the flight department at Superbus
Corporation. You just started working there about two years ago. So, you're
still a rooky; nonetheless, you got to serve on the selection committee for new
pilots. Today had been an interview for Joe Michael Wong, a graduate of
Setting It's Monday at
Fairly soon, Emilio got an answer from MicroSoft about how to install stuff in his computer. He was an expert for forever after, and nobody had to curse ever again about bad handwriting.
An international student at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, Jörg from Austria decided to travel in style while far away from the alpine ranges and out of range of yodeling in the morning's crisp mountain air. As a good and dedicated European, he decided to get a Bimmer from the nearest Pre-Owned Car Dealer, once he figured out that "Pre-Owned" meant that someone owned it before he might own it. Jörg spent some time looking about town. Finally, he came across a terrific deal, a vehicle that he might be able to live with. "You're buying it as is," the hand-rubbing salesperson had said with an oily grin. "Well, what might go wrong with a Bimmer," Jörg thought and in perfect imitation of the governator's dialect, he agreed to the deal. Then he drove off. Smooth! Wonderful! Like a dream to anyone used to a rickety old bicycle. But then it happened. With an incredibly loud screech and an even louder bang, the car stood still in the middle of the road. Luckily, three oldsters drive side by side behind him in all three lanes, so he was spared any rear-end crashes from all those Riddle pilots flying low on the pavement. Some bystanders helped him push the car off the road. He looked under the vehicle. The driveshaft had dropped down from the vehicle and was trailing on the ground, some residue of sawdust near its end. Jörg got a ride home. The dealer had insisted that Jörg had bought at his risk and was not about to do anything for him. "I viil be buck," Jörg had said ominously on the phone to the dealer--he meant "back" but he speaks governator-language, as you'll remember. Jörg stewed and fumed and grew ever more angry. "If they bleed, I can . . ." and similar thoughts shot through his mind. But then he calmed down, got control of his anger, and wrote a polished letter of complaint to BMW of America.
Luckily, BMW has a world-wide database of all its buyers with very impressively lucrative backgrounds. When the letter with an unusual name such as "Jörg Hans Petrovic" came in, the receiving person in the Complaints Department saw immediately that a name that mixes Serbo-Croatian and German elements could only be Austrian. So she looked quickly into the world-wide and incredibly detailed database to find out that Stanislaus Petrovic owned a company fleet of BMWs back in Graz, capital of Styria. The database also showed that Stanislaus's son Jörg-Hans was attending school at the most prestigious flight-school this side of eternity. And then she wrote a letter to Jörg.